Letter to Allah--after frustration

Letter to God.

Dear God,

This morning a leg cramp woke me up during REM sleep. Surprisingly the dreams involved pleasing women. When I finally got out of bed I was annoyed. I was annoyed at having to choose where I wanted to go in my life. I was annoyed at the boringness inherent in the relaxed and calmer work state and the need to get married and have a family.

In the kitchen my roommates had eaten some of my food so that annoyed me too. I called my mother out of a sense of obligation instead of love and her talk of my marriage got me annoyed again. I am very angry now. Angry at being unable to go with my own flow. Angry at always not being good enough for everyone I am with. Does it ever end?

When the going gets good I feel happy, euphoric, and then relaxed, bored and anxious. What is going on? Must emotions always be all over the place? And are only the positive ones good?

Response from my higher self/source

Emotions are how you grow. Negative ones are needed for this and therefore good. In fact this whole concept of global good and bad is irrelevant as the need/impact of anything should always be taken in context. And I indicate whether you are being something that is aligned through emotions in that context.

I tell you the point at which thinking that is not from me through emotions. You are feeling frustration and guilt around the relationship and interaction with your mother. Remember that comes from you feeling you did not respond in a way that was in line with your higher self to her. It also comes from the realization that you are carrying a defunct pain from your childhood, her behavior reminded you of this pain rather than cause you a new pain. Both of these are not from me.

You feel that you are not lovable enough and that you must always project something that can be loved. I tell you that I love you always. Whether or not you make money, whether or not you find a life partner. These measures are an extension of the love I have for you and the love you have for yourself but their absence does not by any means indicates that I do not love you. I always love you. You always belong. You are perfect in every way. When you believe in all of this, you are believing in me. And when you believe in me, you see me everywhere you look.

Don't depend on life and people to show you how to believe in me and see yourself through my eyes. Learn to see yourself through my eyes always. For it is only then that you are truly seeing. For otherwise life is like a veil on your eyes, a block on your hearing, and a seal on your heart. Believe my beautiful, loving little heart that I love you and you are amazing. And everything you want shall come to you.

Love always, Allah.

Oh God please keep my A' safe...

Once in a while, in life we have a great love. One that even at parting you love deeply. Someone who really gets under your skin. Some one you then end up praying for forever. You ask God to keep him safe, whole, and loved.

Please God keep my A' safe. I am leaving him to your infinite grace.

Emotions tearing you? Love yourself.

Just had a great morning of contrast and resultant expansion. About 40 mins ago I was not flowing with the expansion. Meditating did not help me flow either. Turns out my ego was pulling me apart. A part of me wanted to believe I was right in behaving a certain way while that another part of me was guilting me for. The thought process that allowed this conflict was that sometimes one has to take a hard and difficult stance for justice. And the emotional after tearing is just part of that decision.

But today I realized that it doesn't have to be. Emotions are a result of thoughts. An emotion of guilt should be examined for any teaching it gives regarding whether an action should have been avoided or been better in some way. Once that examination has been made. Love and trust yourself. You are not bad. You are simply learning. Tell yourself to remember to use that learning in the next situation and then enjoy all that you have in this moment and all that you are doing and planning to do in this moment.

Love yourself. There is never a need for suffering.

15 sec pitch for a revolutionary mentality

As someone who grew up in class conscious Pakistan I sometimes have occasions of feeling class inferiority. These occasions have become much rarer over the last few years. But a recent breakup reminded me of some of the same feelings. So I pinged my friend P, a raving San Franciscan liberal--the kind of people I really love and told him about this, thinking that his incredulous-ness will shame these last visages of class inferirioty out of me. What actually happened was much more amazing. It reminded me of the brightness I really am. Here is P's 15 sec pitch for a revolutionary mentality. Read, enjoy, and grow!

First:
recognition that you have come to this country overcoming class and gender, and a powering your way to success all by yourself compared to someone whose mommy and daddy paid their way through life, that's not a big accomplishment

Second:
humans have a divide and conquer system going on
it's a chain

Third
think about womens rights, decolonialization, abolition of slavery, queer rights. All of these things at it's roots have been class struggles

Fourth
It's about empowerment. Empowerment of the individual, empowerment of you
if you had a kid and they said that they didn't feel good enough to date a white person, what would you tell them?


that the future of the world is getting beyond class and race conciousness? :)
it's cool to be working class
it's the best class to be
:)

working class produced punk rock, hip hop, all that in your face stuff
okay, that's my mini rant.

Loving myself

This day I greet with love. Love for myself and love for all people and situations. The true God consciousness is really one of love and acceptance. I will practice this love for myself as I learn to be kinder to myself. For how I am with myself and others attracts life's behavior towards me. Help me God as I strive to love myself through the tasks of my day.

Towards the manifestion of a spiritual equal relationship

Last night when I called my mom to share my happiness over a call for a date, I tooted my own horn a bit for my tact with which I influenced the date request. My mom however, denied to give me any praise. She said that she does not agree with my viewpoint on things. She feels I have no control and think I am too good: a woman should always feel some reverence for a man as he is greater than her.

I always feel a strange confusion when my mother talks like this. On one hand she has never truly accepted this in herself. On another she and my uncle think that I challenge the male ego by viewing myself in such a positive light.

I wonder about this though. Wouldn't a healthy man prefer someone who is strong in her own right. Who loves him for who he is and how he is showing up in the world rather than from a need or a vulnerability. Why does one have to manufacture vulnerability anyways? Isn't it a natural part of our spiritual development and will show up in a relationship anyways. Wouldn't a great partnership be one in which both partners are focused individually on their growth and jointly aiding the other in his or her growth. And if that is the case, why must one feel less than another?

I now let go of this frustration.

I now focus on this new desire of an equal loving spiritual relationship. Oh how delicious it feels. :)

Believing in oneself

Each time we are overtaken by fears, by our sense of another's judgment, by pressure to change who we are and what we believe we are struggling with. We are struggling between what we or others see versus what we want and believe to be true. Many times we get disheartened at this. But really we should simply believe in ourselves and our vision. If we do so even if we fail, though there is not such thing as failure, we will move from this life knowing that we tried. And in that trying we grew. Oh and how delicious that growth is.

On inflicting painful humor on others

March 13, 2009,12:41 AM
It is 12:41 AM and I am still up. By all respects my day was great. I went hiking w some friends over a beautiful terrain. My mind however refuses to give me enough peace for sleep. As I lie in bed wondering what is causing this I can’t help but think back over my week. As I do I see things I did not like.

Among the ills I committed this week are:
· losing my temper over trivial things such as a late invoice from a vendor (who has made romantic advances in the past) and is using the lack of an invoice as an excuse to talking on the phone
· An unhelpful technical support specialist at HP
· Making a lot of fun of people, particularly Pakistani people

I thought back to some of the news stories about Pakistan I have been reading. I thought back about the state of my country. And I also thought back at the way we Pakistanis react to each piece of news on further corruption and pain in our country. We get sad, angry, and frustrated at worse and indifferent and mocking at best.

The same happens when we see behaviors in our countrymen that don’t appeal to us. The constant judging makes us feel disconnected and disparate from a wider community. The most common element is the humor. While it initially gratifies certain needs to be right and to feel better about oneself, in the end you don’t really. Mainly because the greatest joy one can receive is when one is connected and giving through source. When one is with source, one is incapable of degrading another. All that one can give another is of the highest form and of the greatest beauty possible. This painful humor, these put downs, don’t come from source. And each time one engages in them, the higher part of oneself goes to a more uplifting behavior. But we don’t follow in the physical reality. The result is negative feelings.

I for one, believe strongly is the beauty and power of source through me. I will now try my utmost to not engage in unjust behavior. I would rather uplift and encourage then downgrade and discourage. If I do not have good things to say to others, I will simply opt for silence. Such silence is better than any personal instant gratification or wowing in the eyes of others.

Help me dear Allah as I achieve this goal in my life.

Thoughts on sex as an emotion

A raw hungry desire, starting in the loins and prevading the body. Awaiting fulfillment and in the absence of it, self-destructing need. What is sex? A desire for the highest form of knowing oneself or a purely carnal desire of the body? Perhaps like everything it is a duality and our rational minds struggle to understand and accept when our bodies covet it extremely.

And sometimes this want and desire keeps one away from realizing how one is blessed. From the love and caring that comes from those around you, even the one you may covet.

It may also keep you from the realization that like all thoughts and feelings this too shall pass. Especially if you focus on that which makes you happier more and makes you happier now. Extreme energies like sex and love can sometimes take you away from the stable bliss and contentment that comes from deliberate conscious creation. This is not to say that these extreme energies are obstacles in your path. In fact enjoying them can also be a deliberate conscious creation, but so many times we engage in them on autopilot and as a distraction from our true goals. Rather, lets make fulfilling them a goal and consciously decide the context in which we fulfill them. They then loose their distractive power over you and become a beautiful thing you consciously create.

How to uplift someone

If you want to uplift someone don't ask them how they are doing or how they have been? Ask them where they are going and see what magic awaits both them and you.

Handling criticism and finding emotional balance

I just had a discussion with my mother that included her bringing up things that were painful for me. I suffered the emotions corresponding to those moments for a short while after ending our conversation. What's interesting is that she simply had a different view point and nothing that was overwhelmingly wrong or abusive. But my internal suffering was intense.

Its interesting these dynamics of a relationship between two adults, where one adult myself is still coming from a child's perspective--i.e. that of needing unconditional love and thinking of each statement as a directive, where it simply may be an opinion.

Emotional balance comes from letting go of intensity when processing someone else's words, including those of our parents. And it is only with that balance that we can make solid life choices.

Shift to a more positive money consciousness

Living in California bartering food and board for work, while striving hard to land a few consulting gigs, I am realizing how connected we hold money to self-esteem, security and well-being. Sometimes even relationship choices are from a place of trying to fulfill that gap. Lack of money can often keep many people stuck in negative vibrations of need and want rather than believing in abundance and receiving.

Shifting this vibration to one of abundance requires:

• Realizing what world views we have unconsciously chosen that bring about these negative emotions
• Remembering who it came from, understand ing their motivations, and putting those memories behind us
• Recognizing how these world views and vibrations constrain us. Ask yourself: if I wasn’t feeling insecure would I be more confident and how would that improve my outcome?
• Letting go of fear associated with believing the old world view or fear of not believing it
• Recognizing the beauty and joy around you. Being grateful for that and all your blessings.
• Recognizing and acting on the guidance and inspiration that comes through the advice people and your inner voice give you

In short, the first step is recognizing the pain of negative vibrations and the next step is choosing to shift them. If we are motivated we can achieve this shift with some practice. In the process it is that we not be too hard on oneself as that can often lead to more negative vibrations, and hence increase the problem and discomfort.

Wishing you peace, security, and confidence.

The people we attract

Recently when my partner had a strong emotional outburst over something seemingly innocuous I starting wondering about the kinds of relationships we attract in our lives. It seems to me that we attract partners who keep tapping parts of us that need to be awakened. Often this involves sparking a pain in us or them that we and they are unable to understand. Until we learn what it is and master the feelings, we cannot move forward as we will keep producing situations that make these feelings stronger and stronger.

moments of love

The softness of your touch, the calmness of your kisses. The expression of desire so loving that it takes my breath away. Your submitting to my touch. The surrender of your body to my love. Moments as delicate and perfect as fine glass. And a tender love I seek more of.

What is an emotional barometer? Are you listening to it?

An emotional barometer can be defined in many ways. It is one’s sense of:
• self
• well being
• calm
• peace
• personal acceptance
• personal bliss

It can also be viewed as the lack of all these things.

It is highly sensitive and very fast in response. If trained it can tell us who is a potential threat and who is a partner.

In today’s society we are extremely afraid of our emotional barometers. We try to dull it with drugs, movies, alcohol, sex, sports and a number of activities re-purposed to provide us with a quick high that distracts us from the feelings of pressure, anxiety, and depression, all of which are signals of being on the wrong track from our emotional barometers.

Scott Peck argues In the Road Less Traveled that we engage in such avoidance of suffering due to laziness.

I would add that ignoring one’s emotional barometer is also something we are taught by authority figures and society. If we have no inner voice, we are simply shadows of others and of that which is our true self, and we are thus easier to control.

Listening to one’s own emotional barometer is not easy. Many times we simply do not want to experience pain since we believe we shouldn’t have to and we are perfect as we are (ego). To protect itself the ego also says to us that it is others who are causing us the pain (victimhood as a defense mechanism). If we were to let go of these feelings and accept the pain we would learn about the inappropriateness of these beliefs.

We would also quickly realize how important feeling good is to us. More important than an understanding of how others and life is, is how WE feel about ourselves within the context of life and how we feel we relate to others. Not based on opinions of others and what they want and what they are sending our way in terms of energies. But in how we feel about ways we are showing up in life.

This is important for two reasons. Firstly, others cannot hold us as their object of attention long enough to sustain any long term relationship guidance. Most people are striving with their own limiting belief systems and fears. Inviting their exploration and connection in our lives often results in feeling of getting the thin end of the deal. For we quickly realize how they can’t understand us without constant help and reorientation. Often in an attempt to be understood we remain in cycles of low energies and pain.

Secondly, focusing on how we show up in their lives helps them, if they choose so, see, understand, and co-create with us those elements of us which we feel are important. This involves conscious action and deliberate thought. It is also more likely to help us reach our relationship goals than simply expecting to receive that which we want.

Every time we choose honesty, love, self-trust our emotional barometer tells us that we are on the right track. Every time we feel lower energies such as fear and helplessness we must remember that those are indicators of where we are due to how we thought in the past. No one and nothing can ever overshadow our visions of who we are and what we want. They can simply help us realize contrast and can thus serve as great spiritual aids in reminding us to act with consciousness and focus towards a longer term sense of feeling better. When we do so we finally find that which we are asking and manifest that which our hearts deeply desire.

However, the interesting thing is that we never completely manifest for the law of nature is such that we are eternally feeling new contrasts and eternally expanding to rise up to them. I guess that is what makes life worth living.