Last night, I hung out with a male friend who I have some feelings for and I was under the impression until last night had feelings for me also. I am not sure if I was completely wrong, whether he chalked the feelings down to sexual desire or one of the thought patterns in his mind made him choose to end those feelings for me.
As these thoughts came back to me this morning, I felt a little ashamed at my attempts to give him the opportunity to feel and express love. I also felt ashamed and saddened at the thought that his earlier behavior did not come from a place of tenderness and affection.
Since I have been working on connecting with source, my mind is more prone to protest loudly at negative thoughts. When it did so, I realized how surprising all these thoughts were. I realized that a lot of the pain and suffering we bring upon ourselves is through expecting others to act in certain ways. When they don’t we spend hours dissecting their every word and action. The truth is: it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what they think of you or what thoughts underlie their actions. Because at the end of the day you can rarely change people’s feelings and consequent actions. And you certainly cannot change them without the other person desiring to do so.
What you can change and what does matter is how you feel, think, and act; and whether your those are helping you close your vibrational gap or not.
Showing posts with label others. Show all posts
Showing posts with label others. Show all posts
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
How we hold ourselves back
Yesterday while observing a period of anger in another I noticed a strong negative vortex within me. Later when I started to examine and release my negative emotion I realized that it fell in three categories: anger, annoyance, and fear.
Anger at the thought of unfairness. At strongly feeling that this person is yelling and showing himself to be a bigger animal in order to manipulate the object of anger to not acting out of his own understanding of his greater truth but instead to appease the aggressor by acting according to his will.
Annoyance at the aggressor’s choice to not learn from countless reminders he has received in life that manipulation is never the path to mutual happiness or the brighter free allowing world he says he wants to create.
And fear. The aggressor is choosing to show himself to be a bigger animal to get the object of anger to act out of fear. In line with this method the aggressor may intensify to higher and higher levels of maliciousness to reach his aims. Fear at the very real possibility of harm when dealing with such an individual.
As I finished thinking out loud about the basis of my negative reactions I realized that at their very core is the belief that all of us have the right to choose what we do and how we do it in our lives. My emotions are the result of feeling the contrast of people not allowing others to do so. But really by feeling these emotions and holding on to them I am being just as disallowing as the aggressor. Even if I am not responding with manipulation and anger by responding with negative emotion I am disallowing myself from the higher desire I launched due to my experience of this contrast i.e. creating a world in which we think, speak, and act out of our own highest self and allow and inspire another to do the same.
And like all thought this last thought is attractive. It has already given me ideas on how to deal with conflict at its seeds in a way that provides the space for each of us to voice and launch our own desires, without feeling the negative emotions of a disallower but instead the emotions of those who are source and are learning and reaching for a greater understanding towards the free world that I really want to create.
Anger at the thought of unfairness. At strongly feeling that this person is yelling and showing himself to be a bigger animal in order to manipulate the object of anger to not acting out of his own understanding of his greater truth but instead to appease the aggressor by acting according to his will.
Annoyance at the aggressor’s choice to not learn from countless reminders he has received in life that manipulation is never the path to mutual happiness or the brighter free allowing world he says he wants to create.
And fear. The aggressor is choosing to show himself to be a bigger animal to get the object of anger to act out of fear. In line with this method the aggressor may intensify to higher and higher levels of maliciousness to reach his aims. Fear at the very real possibility of harm when dealing with such an individual.
As I finished thinking out loud about the basis of my negative reactions I realized that at their very core is the belief that all of us have the right to choose what we do and how we do it in our lives. My emotions are the result of feeling the contrast of people not allowing others to do so. But really by feeling these emotions and holding on to them I am being just as disallowing as the aggressor. Even if I am not responding with manipulation and anger by responding with negative emotion I am disallowing myself from the higher desire I launched due to my experience of this contrast i.e. creating a world in which we think, speak, and act out of our own highest self and allow and inspire another to do the same.
And like all thought this last thought is attractive. It has already given me ideas on how to deal with conflict at its seeds in a way that provides the space for each of us to voice and launch our own desires, without feeling the negative emotions of a disallower but instead the emotions of those who are source and are learning and reaching for a greater understanding towards the free world that I really want to create.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
What is an emotional barometer? Are you listening to it?
An emotional barometer can be defined in many ways. It is one’s sense of:
• self
• well being
• calm
• peace
• personal acceptance
• personal bliss
It can also be viewed as the lack of all these things.
It is highly sensitive and very fast in response. If trained it can tell us who is a potential threat and who is a partner.
In today’s society we are extremely afraid of our emotional barometers. We try to dull it with drugs, movies, alcohol, sex, sports and a number of activities re-purposed to provide us with a quick high that distracts us from the feelings of pressure, anxiety, and depression, all of which are signals of being on the wrong track from our emotional barometers.
Scott Peck argues In the Road Less Traveled that we engage in such avoidance of suffering due to laziness.
I would add that ignoring one’s emotional barometer is also something we are taught by authority figures and society. If we have no inner voice, we are simply shadows of others and of that which is our true self, and we are thus easier to control.
Listening to one’s own emotional barometer is not easy. Many times we simply do not want to experience pain since we believe we shouldn’t have to and we are perfect as we are (ego). To protect itself the ego also says to us that it is others who are causing us the pain (victimhood as a defense mechanism). If we were to let go of these feelings and accept the pain we would learn about the inappropriateness of these beliefs.
We would also quickly realize how important feeling good is to us. More important than an understanding of how others and life is, is how WE feel about ourselves within the context of life and how we feel we relate to others. Not based on opinions of others and what they want and what they are sending our way in terms of energies. But in how we feel about ways we are showing up in life.
This is important for two reasons. Firstly, others cannot hold us as their object of attention long enough to sustain any long term relationship guidance. Most people are striving with their own limiting belief systems and fears. Inviting their exploration and connection in our lives often results in feeling of getting the thin end of the deal. For we quickly realize how they can’t understand us without constant help and reorientation. Often in an attempt to be understood we remain in cycles of low energies and pain.
Secondly, focusing on how we show up in their lives helps them, if they choose so, see, understand, and co-create with us those elements of us which we feel are important. This involves conscious action and deliberate thought. It is also more likely to help us reach our relationship goals than simply expecting to receive that which we want.
Every time we choose honesty, love, self-trust our emotional barometer tells us that we are on the right track. Every time we feel lower energies such as fear and helplessness we must remember that those are indicators of where we are due to how we thought in the past. No one and nothing can ever overshadow our visions of who we are and what we want. They can simply help us realize contrast and can thus serve as great spiritual aids in reminding us to act with consciousness and focus towards a longer term sense of feeling better. When we do so we finally find that which we are asking and manifest that which our hearts deeply desire.
However, the interesting thing is that we never completely manifest for the law of nature is such that we are eternally feeling new contrasts and eternally expanding to rise up to them. I guess that is what makes life worth living.
• self
• well being
• calm
• peace
• personal acceptance
• personal bliss
It can also be viewed as the lack of all these things.
It is highly sensitive and very fast in response. If trained it can tell us who is a potential threat and who is a partner.
In today’s society we are extremely afraid of our emotional barometers. We try to dull it with drugs, movies, alcohol, sex, sports and a number of activities re-purposed to provide us with a quick high that distracts us from the feelings of pressure, anxiety, and depression, all of which are signals of being on the wrong track from our emotional barometers.
Scott Peck argues In the Road Less Traveled that we engage in such avoidance of suffering due to laziness.
I would add that ignoring one’s emotional barometer is also something we are taught by authority figures and society. If we have no inner voice, we are simply shadows of others and of that which is our true self, and we are thus easier to control.
Listening to one’s own emotional barometer is not easy. Many times we simply do not want to experience pain since we believe we shouldn’t have to and we are perfect as we are (ego). To protect itself the ego also says to us that it is others who are causing us the pain (victimhood as a defense mechanism). If we were to let go of these feelings and accept the pain we would learn about the inappropriateness of these beliefs.
We would also quickly realize how important feeling good is to us. More important than an understanding of how others and life is, is how WE feel about ourselves within the context of life and how we feel we relate to others. Not based on opinions of others and what they want and what they are sending our way in terms of energies. But in how we feel about ways we are showing up in life.
This is important for two reasons. Firstly, others cannot hold us as their object of attention long enough to sustain any long term relationship guidance. Most people are striving with their own limiting belief systems and fears. Inviting their exploration and connection in our lives often results in feeling of getting the thin end of the deal. For we quickly realize how they can’t understand us without constant help and reorientation. Often in an attempt to be understood we remain in cycles of low energies and pain.
Secondly, focusing on how we show up in their lives helps them, if they choose so, see, understand, and co-create with us those elements of us which we feel are important. This involves conscious action and deliberate thought. It is also more likely to help us reach our relationship goals than simply expecting to receive that which we want.
Every time we choose honesty, love, self-trust our emotional barometer tells us that we are on the right track. Every time we feel lower energies such as fear and helplessness we must remember that those are indicators of where we are due to how we thought in the past. No one and nothing can ever overshadow our visions of who we are and what we want. They can simply help us realize contrast and can thus serve as great spiritual aids in reminding us to act with consciousness and focus towards a longer term sense of feeling better. When we do so we finally find that which we are asking and manifest that which our hearts deeply desire.
However, the interesting thing is that we never completely manifest for the law of nature is such that we are eternally feeling new contrasts and eternally expanding to rise up to them. I guess that is what makes life worth living.
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