15 sec pitch for a revolutionary mentality

As someone who grew up in class conscious Pakistan I sometimes have occasions of feeling class inferiority. These occasions have become much rarer over the last few years. But a recent breakup reminded me of some of the same feelings. So I pinged my friend P, a raving San Franciscan liberal--the kind of people I really love and told him about this, thinking that his incredulous-ness will shame these last visages of class inferirioty out of me. What actually happened was much more amazing. It reminded me of the brightness I really am. Here is P's 15 sec pitch for a revolutionary mentality. Read, enjoy, and grow!

First:
recognition that you have come to this country overcoming class and gender, and a powering your way to success all by yourself compared to someone whose mommy and daddy paid their way through life, that's not a big accomplishment

Second:
humans have a divide and conquer system going on
it's a chain

Third
think about womens rights, decolonialization, abolition of slavery, queer rights. All of these things at it's roots have been class struggles

Fourth
It's about empowerment. Empowerment of the individual, empowerment of you
if you had a kid and they said that they didn't feel good enough to date a white person, what would you tell them?


that the future of the world is getting beyond class and race conciousness? :)
it's cool to be working class
it's the best class to be
:)

working class produced punk rock, hip hop, all that in your face stuff
okay, that's my mini rant.

The people we attract

Recently when my partner had a strong emotional outburst over something seemingly innocuous I starting wondering about the kinds of relationships we attract in our lives. It seems to me that we attract partners who keep tapping parts of us that need to be awakened. Often this involves sparking a pain in us or them that we and they are unable to understand. Until we learn what it is and master the feelings, we cannot move forward as we will keep producing situations that make these feelings stronger and stronger.

Random beauty of the broken hearted

I had the randomest, most beautiful experience today. A conversation about green cards with Surinder, the owner of an Indian restaurant I frequent, turned towards his breakup and then mine. It is amazing how healing it is to see your pain reflected in someone else. The disbelief, the inner emptiness, the memories, the love, the pain… And despite all this a level of acceptance. The desire to share one’s story and one’s feelings with others. Many times this is not to get advice but simply to get sympathy for one’s feelings and sense someone’s desire to uplift you. I felt this was mutual for me and Surinder as we spoke about our heart breaks. It felt so good to be united in such a way with another human being.

It feels even better to see the commitment and tenderness some men have for the women in their lives. It reminds me of the reality I aspire to create in my life.

Great Love’s vulnerabilities

Weekend post breakup with J’ was actually quite beautiful. With cuddles, gentleness, and love…of a friend who loves me.

As I lie in bed and think back to moments I shared with J’. I remember them so clearly. There was a certain kind of spirituality to those moments. The fulfillment in his eyes, the confidence with which he knew he was loved, the love he felt and freely gave me even if I was unshowered and scruffy and otherwise unattractive to another’s eye. His adoration and love in the way he held me, kissed me, and looked at me. I clearly remember the inner sensations, the peace, the strength, and the light I felt from him.

All that love, gave me so much courage. It healed emotional wounds, allowing me to become a more open loving person. It helped me become more at ease with my skin and what I had to offer the world. Surprisingly to me, it also gave courage of parts of me I denied. The intense yearning for control of my space, of people’s actions, of my environment and the fear all of this was based on. It all came charging out. And the fact that I didn’t censor these parts of myself, well that also came from love. My love. It was that love that allowed me to be vulnerable enough to fully feel and show him my anger, my yearnings, my insecurities, but mostly my vulnerabilities. Perhaps that is what great love does, it shows you who you really are. And perhaps the reason we really want it is the magical healing it brings.

Giving and receiving spiritual love

I realized recently that I am not liking what I am co-creating in my current relationship. When I told my coach this he responded by saying perhaps your partner simply does not know what you need. He asked me how many people in my life I have actually felt really get me to which I responded maybe three or four in different phases in my life. He said he doesn’t ask many people this but he is asking me because I’m high nurturance and trust that I should accept my partner, that I should love him through all that he does which I do not like and I should model that which I want from him. I replied by saying: “but that is so exhausting, to provide all that to others without getting it from them.” Soon after I said this he made me realize that is the only option. For the alternative of insisting on needing something does not work in relationships because it simply makes the other feel like they are not good enough.

Last night before going to bed I was thinking about which of my needs is not being met by my current relationship when I remembered my coach’s words. It made me wonder--aside from anything my previous partners could have done which they didn't do what is it that I regret from my past relationships?

Surprisingly the answer was how I behaved in each relationship. In each relationship I knew subconsciously how the other wanted to be loved, but I didn’t fully love in the way they needed. But I held back. The reason could have been feeling that what I wanted was not being met or simply not being conscious of what the other's needs were. I am now making a conscious choice to not have that regret in the future. From now on I will work on clarifying and providing what the other needs.

I also remembered that in each relationship I learned something crucial about relationships and connecting. In my first relationship post college I learned that intellectual connection alone was not sufficient to life partnership. I knew what was needed was something less cerebral, but I didn’t know what exactly it was. In my second relationship I learned that a sexual connection was important. In my third I learned that emotional connection was important. And in the current one I am learning that having a spiritual orientation toward love is important. Now whether I need a fifth relationship to provide me the spiritual connection is an open question. Perhaps the spiritual connection will be manifested within the current relationship, perhaps not. But looking back I am excited that I have learned so much about relationships, both what I must give and what I must provide. These lessons will be valuable in helping me work towards ultimately creating my heaven on earth.

That prospect makes me very excited about my life? Are you excited about your relationships?