Shift to a more positive money consciousness

Living in California bartering food and board for work, while striving hard to land a few consulting gigs, I am realizing how connected we hold money to self-esteem, security and well-being. Sometimes even relationship choices are from a place of trying to fulfill that gap. Lack of money can often keep many people stuck in negative vibrations of need and want rather than believing in abundance and receiving.

Shifting this vibration to one of abundance requires:

• Realizing what world views we have unconsciously chosen that bring about these negative emotions
• Remembering who it came from, understand ing their motivations, and putting those memories behind us
• Recognizing how these world views and vibrations constrain us. Ask yourself: if I wasn’t feeling insecure would I be more confident and how would that improve my outcome?
• Letting go of fear associated with believing the old world view or fear of not believing it
• Recognizing the beauty and joy around you. Being grateful for that and all your blessings.
• Recognizing and acting on the guidance and inspiration that comes through the advice people and your inner voice give you

In short, the first step is recognizing the pain of negative vibrations and the next step is choosing to shift them. If we are motivated we can achieve this shift with some practice. In the process it is that we not be too hard on oneself as that can often lead to more negative vibrations, and hence increase the problem and discomfort.

Wishing you peace, security, and confidence.

Emotional Self-Care

5/15/2008 5:22:29 PM

Today has been a beautiful day. Lots of loving wishes from people around the world, some of whom I haven’t met in years. Some jokes from the business partners, a phone call and a loving poem from Satwik in India, a true blessing. Random cake and other giveaways. A birthday lunch treat from Betty who works at my company a girl who I have met only a few times.

And then an hour ago J’ called to wish me a Happy Birthday. And I was surprised, amazed!? Whatever that emotion was it certainly wasn’t light hearted happiness. As I told Betty at lunch today and wrote last night more than what J’ should have done, I thought about how I didn’t love him as I knew how. When she asked if I will get back together with him, I told her there was a lot of stuff that my relationship with him bought out. And as much as I wanted to tell him about my regrets, right now I am just tired. I need to understand all that has come out before I can really be as loving as I want with him or with anyone else. Attached to J’ were some feelings of suffering, regret, exhaustion, and relief that I just wanted time and spirituality to deal with.

When J’ called those feelings returned very strongly. I was wondering if he was calling to connect as I had asked him to. I was amused that he didn’t realize I’d be in the office. But mostly, I just didn’t want to deal with all these feelings.

When I started my relationship with J’, I felt that I had finally found a man amazing and sensitive enough whom I can partner with to understand and heal these extreme tiring emotions. His decision to end our romance, regardless of my own behavior that may have influenced it, is indicative of the fact that he either didn’t have the resources to deal with them or that he chose not to. After all the tears and pain at separation, I’ved realized that in some way right now I can’t assume responsibility to provide him with a consistent demeanor if my needs aren’t met and to do so is exhausting. I believe right now I will be doing him, myself, and my future partner if it is not him a favor if I focus on taking care of myself, understanding myself, and loving myself.

Last night when my business partner asked me what present I would like—I responded saying peace. I now realize this is a gift I can give myself. Peace, rest, and all the rejuvenating things in between. Oh dear God, help me create a time and place of respite in my life.

Hard decisions--what kind of love is enough

I am a believer that my emotions in any area of my life are a strong indicator for learning that something isn't working in my life. They are also an opportunity to make a change that would bring my actions more in line with my desires and goals.

All that being said this realization and change is not always easy.

Today I told the man I am seeing that I will be taking some space over the next few days to decide what I would like to do about the concerns I have over my involvement with him. This has taken a lot of courage. I am at a point in my life where I have to decide if what is beautiful lovely and works in our relationship makes up for what is lacking and what all my visions of the future include.

Do the liberal open and nonjudgmental aspects of his persona make up for the distance. The geographic distance across states. The emotional distance I feel due to his lack of effort to "be there" for me or check up on me. In the past I have requested that we speak on the phone and connect more, only to be faced with strong resistance. His reasons are a dislike for phone/email in long distance relationships due to prior baggage related to this. I don't really understand his reasons but am more amazed at the resistance. This seems like a fairly small issue at the surface, what is bigger is his lack of desire at working with me when I am having difficulty with something. What kind of future will we have if he chooses not to be there for me in the future?

Will the love and respect make up for the distance and choosing not to engage? Will this choice to not engage even exist when we are geographically close? What makes me think that this will change and not me an issue in the future? If talking about what isn't working in the relationship brings up fear and anxiety for me now, if it happens in the future what will I be teaching my children about ways to deal with interpersonal issues?

Grant me Allah the inner strength to make these concerns clear to my partner. Help me communicate such that we decide to work together to change this relationship dynamic. And if that is not what we are able to do, grant me the wisdom to realize this early and the strength to leave him and be open to the next relationship or period of time with myself, which ever is better for my growth. I love you God. Please love and sustain me through this.