Weirdness. My cousin emails me to tell me she is having her nikah--marriage contract signed with someone on Friday. All she tells me about the guy is that he is Punjabi from my dad's hood. Does nothing else matter to these people?! She is living in the west, you'd think ethnic close mindedness and Sindhi nationalism would leave by now. Her email does not make her sound any different from a girl in Pakistan.
Ugh.
I wonder if at some level I'd rather not hear from such mentally improvished family members.
Showing posts with label criticism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label criticism. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
My criticism of a criticism of a criticism
This morning I awoke to an email from an Australian living in Pakistan asking me to comment on her controversial piece titled in Defence of Muslim Women. Now I love Danielle, but I think some of her writing on Pakistan does not help raise Pakistani consciousness or even that of the west about it. Below is my comment to her piece. I feel bad that my tone is harsh but it needed to be so.
I respect you a lot but I think some of your points here are just as misguided as the Western criticism. My thoughts:
-many Pakistani women do feel oppressed by the scarf wearing--associations, heat, sense of loss of freedom. This does not come from western influence, it comes from the cultural push by some segments to do this to others who don't accept it. The issue becomes whose version of Islam are you following.
-You use a US example of a broken society due to lack of punishment for illicit extramarital relations. First off Europe has similar laws and way fewer pregnancies. Researchers says this is because US sexual education preaches abstinence rather than birth control as in many ways the US is puritan. Thinking of US as puritan is hard for those in Pakistan. When my mother visited here some of her aunty circle asked if people in the US have sex on the streets! Just as the west gets a warped perspective of Pakistan, Pakistan gets one heck of a warped perspective on the US.
-If it were just this warped perspective on sex I wouldn't care, but what does bother me is that in doing so we often leave out everything that is constructive. This includes the quintessential US belief in being able to get what one wants if one puts in the hard work. Very different than the feeling that things from outside (your government, other governments, the electric company and everything else Pakistanis complain about) drive your reality. By the way isn't that a key tenant of Islam--faith and belief in one's own power to improve things.
-There are a lot of human right violations that go on in that so called Muslim country. These have existed pre-terrorism rise and continue to do so today. You yourself complain about these but do not tap into the stillness of mind that would make them instructive for you and your readers. Instead you try to combat it with resistant negative thought. God's reality is that such negatively keeps one locked in the same patterns.
In the segment of US society I live in, everyday people wake up and plan/execute how to make their lives and those of others more improved, enthusiastic and beautiful, through their work. I recognize this is not all of the US. But what thoughts do most people in Pakistan wake up with? Let me read the news and feel bad about the hue and cry of the world? Let me drown in feelings of anger and self-pity? Wouldn't it be better to take a step back and actively teach yourself and others how to be more positive and thus change you life and those of others. May be you already do this. But if so why aren't you writing about it? Why is it that I never see stories of more than doom and gloom from Pakistan. Unlike what political and mulana propoganda in Pakistan teaches you, self-justification and righteousness is not the path of faith; changing and improving systems and structures is.
When I have said this in the past people have told me that I do not understand Pakistan and the forces it must deal with. I will be bold and say something I often feel but don't let out. I think all you who call yourself Muslims do not understand your faith. The prophet's life was about bringing change to oppressive systems. Not justifying them. If you call yourself muslims and love him, then follow his example in whatever small way you can. Complaining about the state of the world and other's criticism is not one of those ways.
I respect you a lot but I think some of your points here are just as misguided as the Western criticism. My thoughts:
-many Pakistani women do feel oppressed by the scarf wearing--associations, heat, sense of loss of freedom. This does not come from western influence, it comes from the cultural push by some segments to do this to others who don't accept it. The issue becomes whose version of Islam are you following.
-You use a US example of a broken society due to lack of punishment for illicit extramarital relations. First off Europe has similar laws and way fewer pregnancies. Researchers says this is because US sexual education preaches abstinence rather than birth control as in many ways the US is puritan. Thinking of US as puritan is hard for those in Pakistan. When my mother visited here some of her aunty circle asked if people in the US have sex on the streets! Just as the west gets a warped perspective of Pakistan, Pakistan gets one heck of a warped perspective on the US.
-If it were just this warped perspective on sex I wouldn't care, but what does bother me is that in doing so we often leave out everything that is constructive. This includes the quintessential US belief in being able to get what one wants if one puts in the hard work. Very different than the feeling that things from outside (your government, other governments, the electric company and everything else Pakistanis complain about) drive your reality. By the way isn't that a key tenant of Islam--faith and belief in one's own power to improve things.
-There are a lot of human right violations that go on in that so called Muslim country. These have existed pre-terrorism rise and continue to do so today. You yourself complain about these but do not tap into the stillness of mind that would make them instructive for you and your readers. Instead you try to combat it with resistant negative thought. God's reality is that such negatively keeps one locked in the same patterns.
In the segment of US society I live in, everyday people wake up and plan/execute how to make their lives and those of others more improved, enthusiastic and beautiful, through their work. I recognize this is not all of the US. But what thoughts do most people in Pakistan wake up with? Let me read the news and feel bad about the hue and cry of the world? Let me drown in feelings of anger and self-pity? Wouldn't it be better to take a step back and actively teach yourself and others how to be more positive and thus change you life and those of others. May be you already do this. But if so why aren't you writing about it? Why is it that I never see stories of more than doom and gloom from Pakistan. Unlike what political and mulana propoganda in Pakistan teaches you, self-justification and righteousness is not the path of faith; changing and improving systems and structures is.
When I have said this in the past people have told me that I do not understand Pakistan and the forces it must deal with. I will be bold and say something I often feel but don't let out. I think all you who call yourself Muslims do not understand your faith. The prophet's life was about bringing change to oppressive systems. Not justifying them. If you call yourself muslims and love him, then follow his example in whatever small way you can. Complaining about the state of the world and other's criticism is not one of those ways.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Handling criticism and finding emotional balance
I just had a discussion with my mother that included her bringing up things that were painful for me. I suffered the emotions corresponding to those moments for a short while after ending our conversation. What's interesting is that she simply had a different view point and nothing that was overwhelmingly wrong or abusive. But my internal suffering was intense.
Its interesting these dynamics of a relationship between two adults, where one adult myself is still coming from a child's perspective--i.e. that of needing unconditional love and thinking of each statement as a directive, where it simply may be an opinion.
Emotional balance comes from letting go of intensity when processing someone else's words, including those of our parents. And it is only with that balance that we can make solid life choices.
Its interesting these dynamics of a relationship between two adults, where one adult myself is still coming from a child's perspective--i.e. that of needing unconditional love and thinking of each statement as a directive, where it simply may be an opinion.
Emotional balance comes from letting go of intensity when processing someone else's words, including those of our parents. And it is only with that balance that we can make solid life choices.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Three tips to more effectively dealing with criticism
Forgive the critic right away, even those who have bad intentions.
Not forgiving them hurts your own ability to feel good and focus on that which you want.
Think about the potential for truth
If you can find any use it as feedback to change your behavior positivity. Monitor your progress. They have given you a gift. Thank them and the universe for it.
Don’t dwell on the giver of criticism, his or her impression of you, or the possibility of future criticism
Dwelling simply makes one depressed. Instead think of the beauty in them and specifically the beauty in their criticism. Regardless of anything else a human being's ability to persist in using tactless methods to change behavior is just as amazing as their ability to change behavior tactfully by using kind words at the right moment.
Not forgiving them hurts your own ability to feel good and focus on that which you want.
Think about the potential for truth
If you can find any use it as feedback to change your behavior positivity. Monitor your progress. They have given you a gift. Thank them and the universe for it.
Don’t dwell on the giver of criticism, his or her impression of you, or the possibility of future criticism
Dwelling simply makes one depressed. Instead think of the beauty in them and specifically the beauty in their criticism. Regardless of anything else a human being's ability to persist in using tactless methods to change behavior is just as amazing as their ability to change behavior tactfully by using kind words at the right moment.
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