Letter to Allah--after frustration

Letter to God.

Dear God,

This morning a leg cramp woke me up during REM sleep. Surprisingly the dreams involved pleasing women. When I finally got out of bed I was annoyed. I was annoyed at having to choose where I wanted to go in my life. I was annoyed at the boringness inherent in the relaxed and calmer work state and the need to get married and have a family.

In the kitchen my roommates had eaten some of my food so that annoyed me too. I called my mother out of a sense of obligation instead of love and her talk of my marriage got me annoyed again. I am very angry now. Angry at being unable to go with my own flow. Angry at always not being good enough for everyone I am with. Does it ever end?

When the going gets good I feel happy, euphoric, and then relaxed, bored and anxious. What is going on? Must emotions always be all over the place? And are only the positive ones good?

Response from my higher self/source

Emotions are how you grow. Negative ones are needed for this and therefore good. In fact this whole concept of global good and bad is irrelevant as the need/impact of anything should always be taken in context. And I indicate whether you are being something that is aligned through emotions in that context.

I tell you the point at which thinking that is not from me through emotions. You are feeling frustration and guilt around the relationship and interaction with your mother. Remember that comes from you feeling you did not respond in a way that was in line with your higher self to her. It also comes from the realization that you are carrying a defunct pain from your childhood, her behavior reminded you of this pain rather than cause you a new pain. Both of these are not from me.

You feel that you are not lovable enough and that you must always project something that can be loved. I tell you that I love you always. Whether or not you make money, whether or not you find a life partner. These measures are an extension of the love I have for you and the love you have for yourself but their absence does not by any means indicates that I do not love you. I always love you. You always belong. You are perfect in every way. When you believe in all of this, you are believing in me. And when you believe in me, you see me everywhere you look.

Don't depend on life and people to show you how to believe in me and see yourself through my eyes. Learn to see yourself through my eyes always. For it is only then that you are truly seeing. For otherwise life is like a veil on your eyes, a block on your hearing, and a seal on your heart. Believe my beautiful, loving little heart that I love you and you are amazing. And everything you want shall come to you.

Love always, Allah.

Oh God please keep my A' safe...

Once in a while, in life we have a great love. One that even at parting you love deeply. Someone who really gets under your skin. Some one you then end up praying for forever. You ask God to keep him safe, whole, and loved.

Please God keep my A' safe. I am leaving him to your infinite grace.

God's decree on work

Just wrapped up two productive meetings. These were great in terms of engagement and opening up people and really understanding where they are and what they need as well as enjoying the process. When I sat down at a cafe to catch up on email I felt panic and foreboding, emotions that it seemed came out of no where. As a break I turned to Hafiz. And this poem stole my heart:

A Hard Decree

Last Night
God Posted
on the Tavern wall
A hard decree for all of love's inmates
Which read:
If your heart cannot find a joyful work
The jaws of this world
Will probably
Grab hold of your
Sweet Ass.

Loving myself

This day I greet with love. Love for myself and love for all people and situations. The true God consciousness is really one of love and acceptance. I will practice this love for myself as I learn to be kinder to myself. For how I am with myself and others attracts life's behavior towards me. Help me God as I strive to love myself through the tasks of my day.

Heaven and hell--metaphors or entities? Does it really matter?

Last night a friend asked me if I believe in heaven and hell.

This is an interesting question and a few years ago when I decided to take an alternative to mainstream Islam stance at this I was keenly aware that in doing so I was breaking from generations of dearly held doctrine.

According to mainstream Islam--heaven and hell are entities. At some point in the future there will be a day of judgment when all that we know as matter ceases to exist. When this happens human beings will be given an account of their lives. Those who were good will go to heaven and those who sinned will go to hell. At face value the Quran supports this view and there is a very detailed description of the occurrence of judgment day and its aftermath.

Progressive muslim thinkers however believe that this description could also be a metaphor for heaven and hell as being metaphors for our experiences on earth. Some say that heaven and hell are not entities. Others say that the Quran can be interpreted as describing heaven and hell as both metaphors and as entities.

My Quran discussion facilitator takes that latter view. When I asked him what is true he responded by asking me what I think*. I responded with saying that I believe that heaven and hell are metaphors for my experience in this life. I am not denying that they may exist as entities, they very well might. All I am saying that the explanations given to me of their existence as entities do not appeal to me or strike me as particularly well-grounded. I like to say that I am agnostic their existence as entities. This has led me to a very long and intense discussion with a mainstream Christain, who felt that it was his duty to return me to the crucial and true fundamental of faith i.e. believing in the existance of heaven and hell as entities**.

But frankly if I am agnostic about the existence of heaven and hell as entities, why does it matter? My morality is not based on a fear of punishment in the afterlife. Instead it is based on the obvious consequences I face now. If I engage in generally unadvised acts that act as obstacles in my path (the general progressive interpretation of sin) then I will get negative consequences. As a sentient being with my best interests at heart, I will correct. These consequences can be anything from painful emotions such as lack of peace, anxiety, fear to various forms of punishment by human beings.

At best this makes me more cognizant of the impact of my actions than a believer in punishment in the afterlife. At worse, I am just as likely to be deterred from gross sins as him or her. So if the primary intent of the heaven and hell view is to deter immoral behavior, the agnostic viewpoint does the same.

So what do you think? Is belief in an afterlife central to religiousity and morality?

*a practice among the best Progressive discussion facilitators to prevent group think and encourage individual thinking. One I highly agree with.
**interesting how the other disagreements he has with Muslim doctrine were forgotten at this point :)

Feelings and the higher part of me…

I’ve been thinking a lot about connection with the divine part of me, that source energy that pervades all humanity, and connects it. I’ve also been thinking about what it feels like to be connected with it and what actions/thoughts take away that connection. Feeling becomes a very important indicator in this path. I’ve found that the simplest way to live that connection is to live with that which comes as feeling, stay with it long enough to understand it, release it, and reorient towards values and goals. When I am truly conscious of the higher part of myself, the higher part of me is conscious in-turn of the gratification focused exchanges and actions that move me away from the relationships I’d like to create. Sometimes however I must live the contrast to truly know that work, because the higher part of myself learns and grows through contrast. And that answer keeps changing across situations and times of spiritual development.

But the higher part of me knows all, although sometimes it doesn’t tell me. It wants me to figure out that which is my truest answer. The last verse of Rumi’s poem “Medicine out of pain” aptly describes this seeming paradox:

“I tell everything, but I do not say it,
Because, my friend, it is better
Your secret be spoken by you.”