Lessons from my leadership failure

Today I failed someone as a leader.

I was unaware of the difficulties and emotions going on for them in other parts of their life. When they shared a need that contradicted our prior agreement along with an ultimatum I told them they should feel free to utilize the ultimatum as the agreement cannot change.

The agreement was based on my needs and the needs of the business and thus came out of respect for myself and something larger than myself. I did not give them the choice of emotional closure as I felt the relationship did not have a chance of lasting as a long term one. This work relationship was 8 months. That is longer than any romantic relationship I have had and this person therefore had a special place in my heart.

My failure came in not realizing his emotional state and realities of his situation. It also came at being unable to motivate him through praise when he needed it most. While better than many people, I have a lot to learn about connecting with people emotionally and influencing them. I am thankful dear God for this lesson you have given me. Please help me as I strive to inculcate this in my life and learn better and better ways of being. Ameen.

On developing love!

Oh what a weekend--3 parties. Lots of great contacts and learning both on the professional and personal front. Professionally learning which folks are great resources for learning and connecting. Several folks for follow up chats and interviewing for the other blog.

Personally--at first party bad feeling vibration to someone's actions which I quickly cut short. Understood the guy was using pick up artist moves and look towards him with compassion and belief in his being better. Or not, but it doesn't affect me as its not about me and I choose not the focus on it. At another party someone I really liked trying to hook me up with someone else. Felt really weird about it and realized thru someone else's feedback that I appeared annoyed. At this point even that feedback feels great because now I know exactly what areas of rapport I have to focus my efforts on learning in terms of outside action with inside inner change. Love someone and enjoy them, not be annoyed by who they are. Love will grow deeper as time goes by but sensing its lack isn't what will get me there. Thank you source for this expansion and learning. I feel the manifestation is coming!

Now I will focus on my professional goals. Blog about those ideas of marketing and strategy that I feel strongly within me. Give a written voice to those ideas I believe so strongly within me. I know and feel them coming.

Believing in myself when corporate world doesnt

Many of all the consulting offers I am getting from my outreach efforts are leaving me frustrated. The taking advantage--inadequate or no pay offers, demeaning what I offer, and the talks of how my past successes were low hanging fruit are jarring my awareness. BS u little good for nothings. I am amazing and great at what I do. I will reach heights of achievement. And then you will wonder what made you miss it. And even if you don't trust me I will get better results than you ever dreamed of in you puny little offices.

I believe in myself and my power. I value myself as higher than anything these guys could pay me.

Get network goal up in 3 months.

Emotions tearing you? Love yourself.

Just had a great morning of contrast and resultant expansion. About 40 mins ago I was not flowing with the expansion. Meditating did not help me flow either. Turns out my ego was pulling me apart. A part of me wanted to believe I was right in behaving a certain way while that another part of me was guilting me for. The thought process that allowed this conflict was that sometimes one has to take a hard and difficult stance for justice. And the emotional after tearing is just part of that decision.

But today I realized that it doesn't have to be. Emotions are a result of thoughts. An emotion of guilt should be examined for any teaching it gives regarding whether an action should have been avoided or been better in some way. Once that examination has been made. Love and trust yourself. You are not bad. You are simply learning. Tell yourself to remember to use that learning in the next situation and then enjoy all that you have in this moment and all that you are doing and planning to do in this moment.

Love yourself. There is never a need for suffering.

15 sec pitch for a revolutionary mentality

As someone who grew up in class conscious Pakistan I sometimes have occasions of feeling class inferiority. These occasions have become much rarer over the last few years. But a recent breakup reminded me of some of the same feelings. So I pinged my friend P, a raving San Franciscan liberal--the kind of people I really love and told him about this, thinking that his incredulous-ness will shame these last visages of class inferirioty out of me. What actually happened was much more amazing. It reminded me of the brightness I really am. Here is P's 15 sec pitch for a revolutionary mentality. Read, enjoy, and grow!

First:
recognition that you have come to this country overcoming class and gender, and a powering your way to success all by yourself compared to someone whose mommy and daddy paid their way through life, that's not a big accomplishment

Second:
humans have a divide and conquer system going on
it's a chain

Third
think about womens rights, decolonialization, abolition of slavery, queer rights. All of these things at it's roots have been class struggles

Fourth
It's about empowerment. Empowerment of the individual, empowerment of you
if you had a kid and they said that they didn't feel good enough to date a white person, what would you tell them?


that the future of the world is getting beyond class and race conciousness? :)
it's cool to be working class
it's the best class to be
:)

working class produced punk rock, hip hop, all that in your face stuff
okay, that's my mini rant.

Three tips to more effectively dealing with criticism

Forgive the critic right away, even those who have bad intentions.

Not forgiving them hurts your own ability to feel good and focus on that which you want.

Think about the potential for truth

If you can find any use it as feedback to change your behavior positivity. Monitor your progress. They have given you a gift. Thank them and the universe for it.

Don’t dwell on the giver of criticism, his or her impression of you, or the possibility of future criticism

Dwelling simply makes one depressed. Instead think of the beauty in them and specifically the beauty in their criticism. Regardless of anything else a human being's ability to persist in using tactless methods to change behavior is just as amazing as their ability to change behavior tactfully by using kind words at the right moment.

Personal experience--Learning from feedback

The last two days have been quite hard. I ran to get a report done but I didn't allow time for feedback on a summary from my boss as her last email to me seemed like its a okay send as is. A vendor showed up unexpectedly cutting my work time. I decided to make him wait a little and quickly finish something so he can give me a ride to the train station. Once on the train my boss calls with requested changes. I complete as many as I can on my blackberry and forward the rest to a coworker, apparently missing yet another detail not clear to me.

I go to NY to a networking meetup where I work the crowd and further my learning well only to get more feedback emails from my boss. This morning at work an after project review has clear comments from teammates directed at me. Later at lunch my boss tells me my tone is considered unrespectful by some although she cannot tell me who said what and doesn't know what other feedback to give me.

I quickly talk to a few ppl including one person I sensed had issues with me. Though I was feeling beaten up I developed a great plan to make sure I get feedback from people directly and keep paper trail of improvement as recommended by an honest adviser. My sensitive body is working on overload making breathing and functioning very difficult.

When I meditate I realize the learning in all of this and also realize that my reduced hours and "low" commitment is a conscious effort to allow myself evening hours to build my business. I also realize that I need to be in an industry I like to really be driven to move to the next level. Enter a new goal--move to CA where I work in a tech company I like. This will yield almost automatic motivation and due to my placement in a techie environment much better and faster movement of business development.

Then dad calls and we have a crying reunion (we had a huge falling out a few months ago). He has a plausible business goal and I tell him details about mine. And my dad is all for it. A big boost to the ego I tell you.

Though painful this whole experience has given me a lot of great learnings as well as goals for behavior change and new actions. These are some of the good things:

-I will now be more cognizant of my tone and have a team of well wishers who will be giving me feedback directly. This will help me in future regardless of what I do professionally
-I am making a career change to allow for more happiness and motivation earlier with a CA job rather than later with my business taking off
-I have a new ally in my father
-I am reminded to focus on my responses and not the uncontrollable elements of my situation. The latter being my forte as a perfectionist, which does not serve me and my goals

All in all I am at a great place. Thank you God for all your blessings and lessons. Aide me God in learning from these faster and with more strength, love, and compassion for myself. And God please do the same for my gentle readers.