On developing love!

Oh what a weekend--3 parties. Lots of great contacts and learning both on the professional and personal front. Professionally learning which folks are great resources for learning and connecting. Several folks for follow up chats and interviewing for the other blog.

Personally--at first party bad feeling vibration to someone's actions which I quickly cut short. Understood the guy was using pick up artist moves and look towards him with compassion and belief in his being better. Or not, but it doesn't affect me as its not about me and I choose not the focus on it. At another party someone I really liked trying to hook me up with someone else. Felt really weird about it and realized thru someone else's feedback that I appeared annoyed. At this point even that feedback feels great because now I know exactly what areas of rapport I have to focus my efforts on learning in terms of outside action with inside inner change. Love someone and enjoy them, not be annoyed by who they are. Love will grow deeper as time goes by but sensing its lack isn't what will get me there. Thank you source for this expansion and learning. I feel the manifestation is coming!

Now I will focus on my professional goals. Blog about those ideas of marketing and strategy that I feel strongly within me. Give a written voice to those ideas I believe so strongly within me. I know and feel them coming.

Positive thought in times of negative emotion

Feelings of anxiety, fear, anger rise from a sense that the world and our place in it is not okay. That everything is chaos. That we are merely individuals alone in this vast sea of life being and pushed and pulled by other players in our life. This feeling of lack of control makes us show up in our lives as smaller, less confident, comfortable, optimistic presences. Since inner beliefs and talk take time to change it is helpful to remind ourselves of the better feeling and more empowering beliefs that come from our inner centers, the source of love and connectedness to God and regularly dispeling the beliefs that are in each fear contrary to this:

• The world is a beautiful user friendly universe. The darkness and absence is more than outweighed by the light.
• No one can keep you away from your light, the decisions you want to make that feel good and work for you. Feeling that they can is a remnant of earlier more helpless phases of personal and evolutionary development
• Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. A thought that collects the data of your experience and judges it as negative is just as realistic as one that judges it as positive. Due to our strong consciousness of the laws of the physical universe based on that which we gather from our senses we focus on action as the focal point of creation in our lives. From the vibrational perspective of the universe the order is a bit different: thought takes precedence over word, which takes precedence over action.

Counteracting negativity

I’ve realized today that the ways of thinking I was born into were inherently defeatist. They are characterized by a strong focus on ego beliefs. While experiencing this contrast now as a 24 yr old builds up valuable vibrational escrow for the life I plan to live and the person I plan to be, it can be nonetheless painful. In such situations choosing to live my own teachings of positivity becomes a stretch goal but is still valuable.

Focusing on the now in the moment instead of the negative mental loops in our mind can serve as a wonderful tool in counteracting negative people. I promise to myself to try my utmost in focusing on beauty and love in every situation.

Personal experience--Learning from feedback

The last two days have been quite hard. I ran to get a report done but I didn't allow time for feedback on a summary from my boss as her last email to me seemed like its a okay send as is. A vendor showed up unexpectedly cutting my work time. I decided to make him wait a little and quickly finish something so he can give me a ride to the train station. Once on the train my boss calls with requested changes. I complete as many as I can on my blackberry and forward the rest to a coworker, apparently missing yet another detail not clear to me.

I go to NY to a networking meetup where I work the crowd and further my learning well only to get more feedback emails from my boss. This morning at work an after project review has clear comments from teammates directed at me. Later at lunch my boss tells me my tone is considered unrespectful by some although she cannot tell me who said what and doesn't know what other feedback to give me.

I quickly talk to a few ppl including one person I sensed had issues with me. Though I was feeling beaten up I developed a great plan to make sure I get feedback from people directly and keep paper trail of improvement as recommended by an honest adviser. My sensitive body is working on overload making breathing and functioning very difficult.

When I meditate I realize the learning in all of this and also realize that my reduced hours and "low" commitment is a conscious effort to allow myself evening hours to build my business. I also realize that I need to be in an industry I like to really be driven to move to the next level. Enter a new goal--move to CA where I work in a tech company I like. This will yield almost automatic motivation and due to my placement in a techie environment much better and faster movement of business development.

Then dad calls and we have a crying reunion (we had a huge falling out a few months ago). He has a plausible business goal and I tell him details about mine. And my dad is all for it. A big boost to the ego I tell you.

Though painful this whole experience has given me a lot of great learnings as well as goals for behavior change and new actions. These are some of the good things:

-I will now be more cognizant of my tone and have a team of well wishers who will be giving me feedback directly. This will help me in future regardless of what I do professionally
-I am making a career change to allow for more happiness and motivation earlier with a CA job rather than later with my business taking off
-I have a new ally in my father
-I am reminded to focus on my responses and not the uncontrollable elements of my situation. The latter being my forte as a perfectionist, which does not serve me and my goals

All in all I am at a great place. Thank you God for all your blessings and lessons. Aide me God in learning from these faster and with more strength, love, and compassion for myself. And God please do the same for my gentle readers.