Refining my worldview

This morning I lay in bed for a while not wanting to wake up and deal with a world where everyone is out to snake each other. I was trying to get my scared little heart to the right place for having the courage to wake up, do yoga, and attend a 9am webinar I wanted to attend. Somewhere around 8:30am, my higher self reminded me that the worldview that my mind was following was my source of suffering rather than the world itself. My worldview was preventing me from feeling okay enough to go and create beautiful abundant things. I repeated to myself thoughts about the greatness of God and the beauty he makes possible for me. I told myself that he is my one and only source of succor and the only one I turn to for help and instantly I felt better. I felt less forlorn and much more at ease. By the time I started the webinar I felt open to whatever amazing learning was going to come my way.

The result was marvelous. Not only was the webinar more interestingly presented but it gave me lots of inspiration. Not only did I receive inspiration of specific steps to take but I also received a more overarching realization. The realization was that I had started following the paths of others. While I learned a lot about business, people’s behaviors, and negotiation in the process, I had lost sight of a greater goal--of creating systems that are independent of me, inspire me, and make me revenue. This goal was somehow lost among a world of hustlers who call themselves independent consultants.

There are many good things to be said about hustling independent consultants. They have the stills to pitch in any and all situations, they provide a lot of free value to gain revenue and traction, and since they are constantly looking out for projects they are in a good position to learn about new market flows and directions. At the same time however they spend a lot of time trying to win clients (often for small deals) and thus drop the ball on delivery and expectations. Their focus on the consulting engagement often forces them to work on a frantic pace that prevents focus on other startup projects that aren’t currently paying. Consulting is therefore not a sustainable way to create a revenue system outside of oneself, at least not if you don’t have a stable income stream already.

So from now on, I am focusing on developing my own brand. Be it with my blog and social media presence as well as talk of my startup life. I will also try and get set up in a full-time job for a few months to grow my skill sets in areas I deem important. These new goals will definitely give me more direction.

Wish me luck.

Personal experience--Learning from feedback

The last two days have been quite hard. I ran to get a report done but I didn't allow time for feedback on a summary from my boss as her last email to me seemed like its a okay send as is. A vendor showed up unexpectedly cutting my work time. I decided to make him wait a little and quickly finish something so he can give me a ride to the train station. Once on the train my boss calls with requested changes. I complete as many as I can on my blackberry and forward the rest to a coworker, apparently missing yet another detail not clear to me.

I go to NY to a networking meetup where I work the crowd and further my learning well only to get more feedback emails from my boss. This morning at work an after project review has clear comments from teammates directed at me. Later at lunch my boss tells me my tone is considered unrespectful by some although she cannot tell me who said what and doesn't know what other feedback to give me.

I quickly talk to a few ppl including one person I sensed had issues with me. Though I was feeling beaten up I developed a great plan to make sure I get feedback from people directly and keep paper trail of improvement as recommended by an honest adviser. My sensitive body is working on overload making breathing and functioning very difficult.

When I meditate I realize the learning in all of this and also realize that my reduced hours and "low" commitment is a conscious effort to allow myself evening hours to build my business. I also realize that I need to be in an industry I like to really be driven to move to the next level. Enter a new goal--move to CA where I work in a tech company I like. This will yield almost automatic motivation and due to my placement in a techie environment much better and faster movement of business development.

Then dad calls and we have a crying reunion (we had a huge falling out a few months ago). He has a plausible business goal and I tell him details about mine. And my dad is all for it. A big boost to the ego I tell you.

Though painful this whole experience has given me a lot of great learnings as well as goals for behavior change and new actions. These are some of the good things:

-I will now be more cognizant of my tone and have a team of well wishers who will be giving me feedback directly. This will help me in future regardless of what I do professionally
-I am making a career change to allow for more happiness and motivation earlier with a CA job rather than later with my business taking off
-I have a new ally in my father
-I am reminded to focus on my responses and not the uncontrollable elements of my situation. The latter being my forte as a perfectionist, which does not serve me and my goals

All in all I am at a great place. Thank you God for all your blessings and lessons. Aide me God in learning from these faster and with more strength, love, and compassion for myself. And God please do the same for my gentle readers.