Use of silence and limited action in cocreation

For the past 3 or 4 of my asking my boyfriend to do the dishes and tidy his room. I didn’t like the feeling I got when trying to coerce him to do this. I tried doing the dishes myself for a few days hoping he will take over the next day but that never happened. I tried a calm discussion and how his not taking care of these things made me feel but this only led to him agreeing to take care of things but instead doing two other unasked for favors and later trying to renegotiate the room cleaning and dishwashing.

When I woke up this morning to a dirty room and a strong feeling of annoyance mixed with anger I started to analyze why his inaction was making me feel this way. I realized more than his inaction it was from feeling that his behavior called for angry rude behavior on my part. I also realized the nagging and the anger made me feel really sad and disconnected from source.

So I am trying an alternate course of action. I woke up this morning and wrote down the note below and made him sign it:

“I [my boyfriend’s name] promise to wash the dishes and tidy the bedroom before sunset. When I do so my girlfriend will begin speaking to me again. I understand that if I do not she will not do so.”

After signing I stopped speaking to him. Although he has still not completed both tasks in their entirety some changes have taken place, the negative reinforcement of no speaking has made him do a few dishes. But the most powerful thing is that I no longer feel cranky or disappointed. I feel hopeful. The decision to not talk as well as establish clear priorities by writing has taken action away from the equation of trying to create what I want--a tidy home. Not talking has made me realize the energy used in speaking and the energy used in expressing negative feelings makes the inner constriction of feeling grow. Letting that go has given me the space to vibrate in love and affection for my darling and recognizing the beautiful vibrance within him regardless of whether he follows through or not. It has also helped me realize that it is not the actions of others that makes us feel pain, it is our judging of them that gives us pain. This pain takes us away from our connectedness to source and all the beautiful things that lie within.