Giving and receiving spiritual love

I realized recently that I am not liking what I am co-creating in my current relationship. When I told my coach this he responded by saying perhaps your partner simply does not know what you need. He asked me how many people in my life I have actually felt really get me to which I responded maybe three or four in different phases in my life. He said he doesn’t ask many people this but he is asking me because I’m high nurturance and trust that I should accept my partner, that I should love him through all that he does which I do not like and I should model that which I want from him. I replied by saying: “but that is so exhausting, to provide all that to others without getting it from them.” Soon after I said this he made me realize that is the only option. For the alternative of insisting on needing something does not work in relationships because it simply makes the other feel like they are not good enough.

Last night before going to bed I was thinking about which of my needs is not being met by my current relationship when I remembered my coach’s words. It made me wonder--aside from anything my previous partners could have done which they didn't do what is it that I regret from my past relationships?

Surprisingly the answer was how I behaved in each relationship. In each relationship I knew subconsciously how the other wanted to be loved, but I didn’t fully love in the way they needed. But I held back. The reason could have been feeling that what I wanted was not being met or simply not being conscious of what the other's needs were. I am now making a conscious choice to not have that regret in the future. From now on I will work on clarifying and providing what the other needs.

I also remembered that in each relationship I learned something crucial about relationships and connecting. In my first relationship post college I learned that intellectual connection alone was not sufficient to life partnership. I knew what was needed was something less cerebral, but I didn’t know what exactly it was. In my second relationship I learned that a sexual connection was important. In my third I learned that emotional connection was important. And in the current one I am learning that having a spiritual orientation toward love is important. Now whether I need a fifth relationship to provide me the spiritual connection is an open question. Perhaps the spiritual connection will be manifested within the current relationship, perhaps not. But looking back I am excited that I have learned so much about relationships, both what I must give and what I must provide. These lessons will be valuable in helping me work towards ultimately creating my heaven on earth.

That prospect makes me very excited about my life? Are you excited about your relationships?