Reflections on papa, and work

Today A sent me a note about a job opening. I like the company he mentioned. But despite this I wished he had added a note in there saying something that touched me emotionally. P says its too early for that.

Later I realized I was loading up the experience of repeated brainwashing from my dad, something he still does to this day. I got a reminder of this when I called him today. Hints rather than clear communication is something he relies on heavily. When I clearly call his hints out and state what I do and do not want he gets pissed and either starts guilting me or degrade this cultural context.

I feel frustrated that my experience of him invading my space has still not changed. And that pain is still so fresh. I guess it will keep coming into my experience if I keep focusing on it. Let me then focus on understanding and clear communication as something I expect and receive from all my relationships.

But back to the job. If that isn't fully the experience I want then what do I really want. The answer is probably the ability to play a bigger game. The network, social skills, and personal story telling that will allow me to get to that level. That's what I will get J to coach me on tomorrow.