Towards the manifestion of a spiritual equal relationship

Last night when I called my mom to share my happiness over a call for a date, I tooted my own horn a bit for my tact with which I influenced the date request. My mom however, denied to give me any praise. She said that she does not agree with my viewpoint on things. She feels I have no control and think I am too good: a woman should always feel some reverence for a man as he is greater than her.

I always feel a strange confusion when my mother talks like this. On one hand she has never truly accepted this in herself. On another she and my uncle think that I challenge the male ego by viewing myself in such a positive light.

I wonder about this though. Wouldn't a healthy man prefer someone who is strong in her own right. Who loves him for who he is and how he is showing up in the world rather than from a need or a vulnerability. Why does one have to manufacture vulnerability anyways? Isn't it a natural part of our spiritual development and will show up in a relationship anyways. Wouldn't a great partnership be one in which both partners are focused individually on their growth and jointly aiding the other in his or her growth. And if that is the case, why must one feel less than another?

I now let go of this frustration.

I now focus on this new desire of an equal loving spiritual relationship. Oh how delicious it feels. :)

Believing in oneself

Each time we are overtaken by fears, by our sense of another's judgment, by pressure to change who we are and what we believe we are struggling with. We are struggling between what we or others see versus what we want and believe to be true. Many times we get disheartened at this. But really we should simply believe in ourselves and our vision. If we do so even if we fail, though there is not such thing as failure, we will move from this life knowing that we tried. And in that trying we grew. Oh and how delicious that growth is.

Visual representation of my ideal days

Visual representation of my ideal days
Originally uploaded by stirfriedsaali

Visual representation of my ideal day and goals. This helps me keep on track with my goals by giving my brain a visual method. It doesn't matter if you can draw or not. Drawing out images related to your goals is a powerful way to keep on track. Try this technique!

Heaven and hell--metaphors or entities? Does it really matter?

Last night a friend asked me if I believe in heaven and hell.

This is an interesting question and a few years ago when I decided to take an alternative to mainstream Islam stance at this I was keenly aware that in doing so I was breaking from generations of dearly held doctrine.

According to mainstream Islam--heaven and hell are entities. At some point in the future there will be a day of judgment when all that we know as matter ceases to exist. When this happens human beings will be given an account of their lives. Those who were good will go to heaven and those who sinned will go to hell. At face value the Quran supports this view and there is a very detailed description of the occurrence of judgment day and its aftermath.

Progressive muslim thinkers however believe that this description could also be a metaphor for heaven and hell as being metaphors for our experiences on earth. Some say that heaven and hell are not entities. Others say that the Quran can be interpreted as describing heaven and hell as both metaphors and as entities.

My Quran discussion facilitator takes that latter view. When I asked him what is true he responded by asking me what I think*. I responded with saying that I believe that heaven and hell are metaphors for my experience in this life. I am not denying that they may exist as entities, they very well might. All I am saying that the explanations given to me of their existence as entities do not appeal to me or strike me as particularly well-grounded. I like to say that I am agnostic their existence as entities. This has led me to a very long and intense discussion with a mainstream Christain, who felt that it was his duty to return me to the crucial and true fundamental of faith i.e. believing in the existance of heaven and hell as entities**.

But frankly if I am agnostic about the existence of heaven and hell as entities, why does it matter? My morality is not based on a fear of punishment in the afterlife. Instead it is based on the obvious consequences I face now. If I engage in generally unadvised acts that act as obstacles in my path (the general progressive interpretation of sin) then I will get negative consequences. As a sentient being with my best interests at heart, I will correct. These consequences can be anything from painful emotions such as lack of peace, anxiety, fear to various forms of punishment by human beings.

At best this makes me more cognizant of the impact of my actions than a believer in punishment in the afterlife. At worse, I am just as likely to be deterred from gross sins as him or her. So if the primary intent of the heaven and hell view is to deter immoral behavior, the agnostic viewpoint does the same.

So what do you think? Is belief in an afterlife central to religiousity and morality?

*a practice among the best Progressive discussion facilitators to prevent group think and encourage individual thinking. One I highly agree with.
**interesting how the other disagreements he has with Muslim doctrine were forgotten at this point :)

To seek the end of spiritual upheaval

Last night after a full day of exciting work my evening was ridden with loneliness, low self love, and doubt. I got myself out of this by admitting vulnerability to a friend and distracting self with 3 episodes of Buffy the Vampire slayer. There is something about that show that allows one to deal with darkness and evil. Fear and evil are treated as things one battles with and eventually frees oneself from. I generally watch the show at nights of spiritual crises until I can no longer remain awake. Almost always I wake up the next morning with lots of strength. My unconscious dreams processing takes away all the remaining anguish.

Funny isn't it. How a fictional show and sleep can do this for one. I think it is because both deal with a darkness I do not like to consciously admit. This makes recovery time slow when this darkness appears during the usual course of my waking life. So this morning I decided to spend at least 3 hours daily on my education of spirituality and people. As I was shifting through my books to determine my reading in these hours I came across Scott Peck's "People of the Lie." I bought this book a while ago as it was recommended by S in my spiritual circle but have until now shyed away from reading it. It discusses evil and darkness, within us and within others; not something I like to admit exists. I generally try to believe what appears to be an evil act is the result of pain and thus deserves compassion, while taking care to protect self.

My experiences with A and the disgusting cycle of darkness he was involving me in has made me question that belief. His behaviors are not something I can consciously explain with anything from my prior experience. The psychological paradigm provides an unsatisfactory explanation for the lack of growth that was deteriorated his life and discoloring mine.

The scary dream world and world of low energies also cannot be explained by my earlier ideas of spirituality, life, and humanity. So I am going into my reading of these matters with a more open mind and heart. I pray to Allah that he help me as I begin, proceed, and complete this endevour to take me to a newer and higher expanded level of understanding through which I can benefit my life and those of others.

Faith a constant journey in refocusing our energy towards belief in betterment from focusing on its lack

This morning I feel much better. I realized that before my acknowledgement of how my behavior was painful to others and not from source I was spending lots of energy maintaining my beliefs that what I was doing was needed and fun. This reminded me very much of A. I lived with A and his wife in exchange for work on their startup recently.

A is an ex-Israeli army officer. Many times his viewpoints about people, life, and the need for violence depressed me to my very core. Furthermore he focused a lot on violence. Violence in the past, violence in the present. Conflict between groups. The stupidity of action of one group that forced the other to retaliate. Life in A's home was constant talk of violence, pain, and suffering. His view of history was one of centuries of Jewish suffering and the inability to have a home. The most salient in his mind of the aggressors were the Muslims. Under his view there was no period of peace for Jews under Muslim rule (interestingly most Christain covert atrocities such as career and social limitations under Christain rule like forbidding Jews to all professions but usury and shunning them in society for it, was not in his mind an atrocity; I guess its to hard to maintain more than one demon).

The interesting thing about A was that he desired to change the world by creating an online community of openness and positivity where organic food, environmentally friendly practices, and spirituality were discussed. This vision was obviously at conflict with his worldview of depression, anxiety, and anger about the world and certain groups. But this was not obvious to him. He spent several hours working on his community daily. But breaks were always taken up by news and talk of news. At times he would invite friends to practice singing and guitar playing but even then his strong thoughts about world affairs and Muslim extremism almost always came up. My guess is these views were also the reason why he felt justified in scaring people and pressuring them, particularly those who had strong ideas of what they want to do. These tactics were again was in conflict with a more peaceful side of him that he also tried to aspire for.

Living with A was hard. But in hindsight I can feel great compassion for his suffering. I feel compassion for the suffering his resistant non-source thoughts formed within him. I also feel compassion for the suffering he felt from the constant internal tug of war within him. This war was between the hope and belief in the coming of what he has asked source and the constant talk of the lack of what he wants.

Its interesting how easy it is for me to see this now for someone else's issues. But really I do the same thing. And so do you. Faith is not a destination. It is a constant practice in believing in our powers of conscious creation and focusing on them solely while letting go of the resistant thoughts. May God help me and you in this journey.

On inflicting painful humor on others

March 13, 2009,12:41 AM
It is 12:41 AM and I am still up. By all respects my day was great. I went hiking w some friends over a beautiful terrain. My mind however refuses to give me enough peace for sleep. As I lie in bed wondering what is causing this I can’t help but think back over my week. As I do I see things I did not like.

Among the ills I committed this week are:
· losing my temper over trivial things such as a late invoice from a vendor (who has made romantic advances in the past) and is using the lack of an invoice as an excuse to talking on the phone
· An unhelpful technical support specialist at HP
· Making a lot of fun of people, particularly Pakistani people

I thought back to some of the news stories about Pakistan I have been reading. I thought back about the state of my country. And I also thought back at the way we Pakistanis react to each piece of news on further corruption and pain in our country. We get sad, angry, and frustrated at worse and indifferent and mocking at best.

The same happens when we see behaviors in our countrymen that don’t appeal to us. The constant judging makes us feel disconnected and disparate from a wider community. The most common element is the humor. While it initially gratifies certain needs to be right and to feel better about oneself, in the end you don’t really. Mainly because the greatest joy one can receive is when one is connected and giving through source. When one is with source, one is incapable of degrading another. All that one can give another is of the highest form and of the greatest beauty possible. This painful humor, these put downs, don’t come from source. And each time one engages in them, the higher part of oneself goes to a more uplifting behavior. But we don’t follow in the physical reality. The result is negative feelings.

I for one, believe strongly is the beauty and power of source through me. I will now try my utmost to not engage in unjust behavior. I would rather uplift and encourage then downgrade and discourage. If I do not have good things to say to others, I will simply opt for silence. Such silence is better than any personal instant gratification or wowing in the eyes of others.

Help me dear Allah as I achieve this goal in my life.

Thoughts on sex as an emotion

A raw hungry desire, starting in the loins and prevading the body. Awaiting fulfillment and in the absence of it, self-destructing need. What is sex? A desire for the highest form of knowing oneself or a purely carnal desire of the body? Perhaps like everything it is a duality and our rational minds struggle to understand and accept when our bodies covet it extremely.

And sometimes this want and desire keeps one away from realizing how one is blessed. From the love and caring that comes from those around you, even the one you may covet.

It may also keep you from the realization that like all thoughts and feelings this too shall pass. Especially if you focus on that which makes you happier more and makes you happier now. Extreme energies like sex and love can sometimes take you away from the stable bliss and contentment that comes from deliberate conscious creation. This is not to say that these extreme energies are obstacles in your path. In fact enjoying them can also be a deliberate conscious creation, but so many times we engage in them on autopilot and as a distraction from our true goals. Rather, lets make fulfilling them a goal and consciously decide the context in which we fulfill them. They then loose their distractive power over you and become a beautiful thing you consciously create.